How to Love by Katie Cotugno

Narrated by Merritt Hicks

Synopsis (via Goodreads):
Before:
Reena Montero has loved Sawyer LeGrande for as long as she can remember: as natural as breathing, as endless as time. But he's never seemed to notice that Reena even exists until one day, impossibly, he does. Reena and Sawyer fall in messy, complicated love. But then Sawyer disappears from their humid Florida town without a word, leaving a devastated—and pregnant—Reena behind.

After:
Almost three years have passed, and there's a new love in Reena's life: her daughter, Hannah. Reena's gotten used to being without Sawyer, and she's finally getting the hang of this strange, unexpected life. But just as swiftly and suddenly as he disappeared, Sawyer turns up again. Reena doesn't want anything to do with him, though she'd be lying if she said Sawyer's being back wasn't stirring something in her. After everything that's happened, can Reena really let herself love Sawyer LeGrande again?

In this breathtaking debut, Katie Cotugno weaves together the story of one couple falling in love—twice. 

“I am remembering so clearly how he looked when he was eight, when he was eleven, when he was seventeen. Sawyer and I were only together for a few months before he left, but he was my golden boy for so long before that he would have taken the guts of me with him even if we’d never been a couple at all.”

I feel like I've lived Reena's entire life! The audiobook wasn't any longer than others I've listened to, but it still felt like I grew up with her. I loved the alternating chapters! The before and after really helped shaped the overall story. Obviously, we know Reena ended up pregnant and had a baby, but we simultaneously get to see what her life is like now, and the events that led up to that world-changing moment.

I didn't always agree with Reena or her decisions, but I did understand them. She was a young adult trying to find herself, and mistakes are a part of the process. I could look at some of her choices and think about how I would do things differently, but that's because I've already lived through that part of my life and learned from my mistakes.

I didn't love Sawyer, but I don't think I was supposed to either. He was a troubled teen with parental problems (that are never really explained), and he also struggles with addiction. His life is lacking substance, so he seems to just float from one place to the next. I understand now why he left, but I really wish he had never gotten involved with Reena. It was selfish and impulsive on his part.

On the other hand, Reena shouldn't have gotten involved with Sawyer. I don't have enough fingers to list the reasons why, but friends and family showing concern is a big one. Also, I've never seen someone so motivated to graduate and follow their dreams, so I was more than a little peeved when Sawyer became more important than school. He just kept taking things from her, slowly and without concern.

I didn't like how easy it was for Sawyer to wiggle himself back into her life in a major way, nor did I agree with how Reena treated those around her that had been there since his absence. I felt cheated. I know Reena deserved better than what she was getting, even if he seemed changed and understanding. He went about it the wrong way, and again she just let him without much consequence. I never understood her strong emotional attachment to him, other than the fact that he's her daughter's father and she has loved him since they were children. The middle (her actual relationship with him) was weird for me. What did he do to deserve so much from her?

I  may have said, "I didn't," more than a few times, but I truly enjoyed this book. It was remarkably realistic, and I felt like their situation could have happened to anyone. While I didn't agree with a lot that happened, that doesn't mean it wasn't possible. The writing was beautiful, the secondary characters were prominent people within the story, and the narrator was captivating. I kept going back for more even when I wanted to yell at the characters for their stupidity. Life is about learning, and some lessons are harder than others.