Brave Enough by Kati Gardner

Synopsis (via Goodreads): Teenager Cason Martin is the youngest ballerina in the Atlanta Ballet Conservatory. She never really had a choice of whether she learned to dance or not. Her mother, the conservatory's artistic director, has made all the decisions in Cason's life. But that's about to change. Cason has been hiding an injury, and it's much worse than anyone imagines.

Davis Channing understands all too well what it's like to give up control of your life. He's survived cancer, but his drug addiction nearly killed him. Now he's been sober for seven months and enjoying his community service at the hospital. But just when he thinks he's got it together, Davis's ex-girlfriend, who is still battling her addiction, barrels back into his life.

Cason and Davis are not friends. But, as their worlds collide, they will start to depend on one another. Can they both be brave enough to beat the odds?

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I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. My thoughts and opinions are my own. Any quotes I use are from an unpublished copy and may not reflect the finished product.

Brave Enough was both lovely and heartbreaking. It's hard to read about people, especially children, going through cancer. The loss of health, hair, and sometimes limbs makes it even more tragic and hard to fathom. No one should have to go through something like this, but it's a reality many people (and their families) face.

It was hard for me to understand Davis and his survivor's guilt after beating cancer. I would hope that people in his situation would be thankful for a second chance at life, and want to live that life to the fullest. I'm sure there are people that get depressed afterwards, and the author did a wonderful job conveying his erratic emotions, but it wasn't something I could personally comprehend. It didn't make sense to me. His actions following cancer created more problems than his cancer ever did. Addiction is a disease, and I fully agree with that statement, but I wish the author had explained why Davis chose to go that route. I didn't understand his guilt or what led to his choices, and I wanted to know his reasons.

I kept wanting to read Cason as Carson, and I'm really not sure why. I just know that it lasted the entire book and wasn't just a few mistakes at the beginning. Her life before cancer was also a mystery to me. The author mentioned she was a professional (she was a dancer), so she only had to attend school for her core classes. She went for half a day at the most, but I'm not familiar with that arrangement. I would have liked more details surrounding her school and work life, and how she was able to skip the high school experience in favor of training to be the best dancer (her mother was her dance instructor). 

Cason's mom was awful at the beginning. Her daughter was sick, but she was too stubborn to accept it. She was selfish, mean to the staff (they were just trying to help Cason adjust), oblivious to her surroundings, and unwilling to accept the truth. She should have put her own desires aside when it became clear her child really needed her. She needed her mom and not her overbearing, demanding dance instructor. She slowly started to soften about halfway through, but the change wasn't immediately clear. There wasn't really a transition between selfish mom and supportive mom. It just sort of happened. 

I think some of my biggest issues with this book were the transitions. It seemed like the characters would grow exponentially from one sentence to the next, and it felt abrupt. I wanted more details about their individual journeys, but instead felt like I was skipping crucial information about their character development. It was like a light switched on and people started acting differently, and I wanted to know what caused the revelations. More details! 

There is an insta-love vibe, but I'm not entirely sure where or how it started. They were smiling at each other and making small talk one minute, and the next he's dancing with her and trying not to kiss her. I'm not sure if they were able to connect on a deeper level due to their shared experiences, or if there was just something in the air that day. They just sort of were after awhile. Cason and Davis cared deeply for one another, but I don't think they really knew anything about their new love interest.

In the end, I think the author did a wonderful job of describing addiction and what it feels like to be an addict. Davis has been sober for almost a year, and he still struggles with his addiction. It's a choice for him every single day to not use. He has to constantly remind himself why he wants to be sober, and how using will only hurt him in the end. He can taste the high, remember the feel of it, and it's hard to block those thoughts and focus on what's right in front of him. He has a good support system, but his past is always there to knock him back a few steps. It was so sad watching him struggle with himself and the people around him.

“He wanted to claw at his mind, rake his nails down the synapses and neurons as they fired, and he begged to just forget everything in his own head.”

Kati Gardner also conveyed cancer and treatments very realistically. I believe a lot of it came from personal experience, which makes the story even more emotional and bittersweet. 

"When I was a teenager and reading every book I could get my hands on, I was desperate for a girl that looked like me. For a girl who had cancer and lived. And it was really hard to come by. So, I wrote one."