Letting Go of Gravity by Meg Leder

Synopsis (via Goodreads): Twins Parker and Charlie are polar opposites.

Where Charlie is fearless, Parker is careful.

Charlie is confident while Parker aims to please.

Charlie is outgoing and outspoken; Parker is introverted and reserved.

And of course, there’s the one other major difference: Charlie got leukemia. Parker didn’t.

But now that Charlie is officially in remission, life couldn’t be going better for Parker. She’s landed a prestigious summer internship at the hospital and is headed to Harvard in the fall to study pediatric oncology—which is why the anxiety she’s felt since her Harvard acceptance is so unsettling. And it doesn’t help that her relationship with Charlie has been on the rocks since his diagnosis.

Enter Finn, a boy who’s been leaving strange graffiti messages all over town. Parker can’t stop thinking about those messages, or about Finn, who makes her feel free for the first time: free to doubt, free to make mistakes, and free to confront the truth that Parker has been hiding from for a long time.

That she keeps trying to save Charlie, when the person who really needs saving is herself.

“I like thinking of time that way—that it’s a little more fluid in Spanish. Like maybe to start thinking about the future, you need to think about the possibility in the right now, you know?”

Okay, so I originally read and reviewed this book for a blog tour (you can find my initial thoughts here), but I couldn't definitively express my overall feelings. There were things I enjoyed about the book, but there were also a lot of things that really got underneath my skin. What was my solution? Read it again. I feel like I understand Parker a little more now, but I still think she was a terrible friend, sister, and daughter.

Let me elaborate... Parker's twin, Charlie, should have been her equal, but he came across like a younger brother she was trying to protect. I know that deep down her choices came from a good place, and she genuinely thought she was helping, but she only ever made things worse for him. He was old enough to make his own decisions, whatever they may be, but she didn't allow him that freedom. Tattletale. She always had to go behind his back and announce his personal, private business to the world. If I were Charlie, I would have been pissed, too.

Despite feeling like she had to tell on Charlie for the slightest misstep, she kept her own secrets. Her brother wasn't allowed to keep anything to himself, but she could withhold super important information and justify it by saying it was too difficult to talk about. Ugh. Parker also had the very best friend, Em, but she treated her like garbage for being truthful and trying to get Parker to do the right thing. Em was traveling abroad with her cousin, but she still made time for her friend. Her emails were sweet and detailed her adventures, but they also encouraged Parker to be honest with her parents. This was something Parker didn't want to do, and she admits that she doesn't want to be reminded of it, so she just ignores her. Em talked about so much more than that in her emails, but Parker couldn't respond at all? It was so frustrating to watch. I wanted to smack Parker in the face!

The secondary characters in this book were treasures! Ruby, Em, Matty, Carla, and all of the people from the retirement home. I loved those old ladies (and Henry)! They were hilarious and really added another layer to the story. It's clear that the women are dealing with their own issues, and it was nice seeing Parker try to mend their relationships. At first, she just tried to spice up their days with new craft ideas, but it eventually morphed into something else.

Charlie's story is a sad one, and he has every right to be angry with the world. Finn's past is equally (if not more) tragic, and I enjoyed learning more about him as the story progressed. We can't choose where we come from, but we can decide where we are going. It was nice to see Finn take control of his future and his present.

I thought the author did a wonderful job conveying Parker's anxiety. I would start feeling anxious myself when Parker's eye would start twitching. Her inner turmoil felt tangible. I could feel my palms sweating and my heart racing, which gave me a better idea of what Parker was going through.

In the end, I still can't decide how I feel about Letting Go of Gravity. One, I think Parker and Charlie's grandmother should really refrain from telling that specific story to children. Two, Parker wasn't a very likable character, but I don't think she was supposed to be. Instead, she offered a realistic perspective of a person dealing with anxiety and feeling trapped in their current situation. She didn't see a way out for herself even though I felt there were clear alternatives. Three, I felt like the book was a little longer than it needed to be. There was a lot of filler that could have been left out, because at times it felt like the story crawled from chapter to chapter.

It's weird... not knowing exactly how I feel about a book. Did I like it? Yes. Would I read it again? Probably not a third time, no. Was there an important message? Yes. The story is good. It was very thought-provoking and authentic. I wish Parker had made different choices, but then there wouldn't have been much of a story. It was an interesting read with a unique perspective, and I think the author makes a lot of valid points. Life is too short to spend it doing something we hate. We also need to be able to forgive ourselves and others, or the world is going to be a lonely place.

Wow... the ending... it was exactly what this book needed and deserved.