Letters to the Lost (Letters to the Lost, #1) by Brigid Kemmerer

Synopsis (via Goodreads): Juliet Young always writes letters to her mother, a world-traveling photojournalist. Even after her mother's death, she leaves letters at her grave. It's the only way Juliet can cope.

Declan Murphy isn't the sort of guy you want to cross. In the midst of his court-ordered community service at the local cemetery, he's trying to escape the demons of his past.

When Declan reads a haunting letter left beside a grave, he can't resist writing back. Soon, he's opening up to a perfect stranger, and their connection is immediate. But neither Declan nor Juliet knows that they're not actually strangers. When life at school interferes with their secret life of letters, sparks will fly as Juliet and Declan discover truths that might tear them apart.

"If she was a firecracker, spreading light across the sky, I'm a lit match, going dark before doing much of anything at all."

I finally got around to reading Letters to the Lost after really enjoying both A Curse So Dark and Lonely & A Heart So Fierce and Broken by Kemmerer. It was also a buddy read with Karen from For What It's Worth, and counts towards my Read the Alphabet Challenge since June is K&L! Unfortunately, this book didn't meet my expectations, and left me with a very unsatisfying conclusion.

There are several sticky notes peppered throughout this book, and tackling them all might take too long, so I'll just touch on the ones that stood out the most. Right off the bat Juliet has a thought that made me stop and take notes. She was walking to her car in the dark and hears a man cough nearby. How was able to distinguish gender based on a cough? She can't see where the noise came from, but that's immediately her assumption.

Juliet is also very judgmental of both Declan and Rev despite not knowing anything about them. She's heard rumors about the two, but she didn't actually have a reason to think, "He's that freak loner who sits in the back of every class and never talks to anyone." This is just one comment of many, and while she does grow a teeny tiny bit throughout the book, this is still how she views people. She made a comment about only seeing a snapshot of a person, but refuses to try and see the whole picture herself. I really didn't like Juliet or agree with her thoughts and actions. I thought she was a cruel character that was consumed by her grief, and unwilling to give people the benefit of the doubt.

You might think that sounds harsh, but she had similar thoughts about her father. Someone who has always been there for her. "I look at him. He's so perfectly average it makes me wonder what my mother ever saw in him." He would do something nice for her, and she would dismiss his kindness and feel annoyed by his efforts. I also don't understand why she felt like she had to mentally knock him down over and over again. She often referred to him as being plain and "beige," yet saw her mother as "vibrant" and full of color. I hated the comparisons. They were cruel and unfair.

Later she wants to blame Declan for something because of who she thinks he is. She wants him to be responsible for murder, because it would give her closure and make her feel better. She didn't stop to consider what that would mean for Declan. She didn't even give him the benefit of the doubt. She was quick to judge and blame him despite being given the opportunity to get to know him. "It's him. It has to be him." Not to mention how unhealthy their relationship (whatever they had) was. They would yell at each other, verbally cut one another down, and then suddenly feel attracted? "Despite all the anger, the aggression, electricity sparks between us." NO. Their relationship was unhealthy from the start. When Declan wrote on her letter, he definitely overstepped and should have apologized, but he ended up making her feel bad instead. How does that happen???

I also loathed Alan (Declan's stepfather) and Abby (his mother). They were so abusive. At one point Rev says, "Maybe I think his stepfather shouldn't be starting battles with him," and I wholeheartedly agree. Alan felt the need to challenge Declan constantly. That is terrible parenting! His mom just let Alan do whatever he wanted, even though she could clearly see how hurt her son was by his words and actions. She was too passive and uninvolved when it came to her son, and I don't think I can forgive that. Yes, she was grieving, but she shouldn't have blamed any of that on her son. If anything, she should have apologized for putting him in a horrible situation to begin with. He shouldn't have had to live with so much guilt, and thinking that something so devastating was all his fault. I hated how one conversation seemed to change the dynamics of their family, and wish Declan had been taken in by Frank or Rev's parents. He shouldn't have lived in that environment for as long as he did, and then Alan saying it was all because they were "worried" about Declan? I don't think so. Not good enough. 

Alan constantly put Declan down, unfairly compared him to his father, challenged him on everything, made his life as hard as possible, and frequently threatened to have him sent away. He didn't try to understand Declan or meet him halfway, he just wanted to prove that he was the boss and his word was law. It kills me that no one stepped in on Declan's behalf. No wonder his anger and resentment festered and made him aggressive. He was being attacked in his own home by an adult that should've known better. Alan should have been better. A better example. A better father figure. A better everything. His mother shouldn't have sat on the sidelines and watched as events unfolded. She should have been an active participant and an ally. She should have talked to her son before getting remarried. She should have talked to him period. 

Back to Juliet... she was so hot and cold when it came to Declan. They're both argumentative and abrasive in their interactions, but then suddenly she'd "walk into fire if he asked right now." Where did all of this love and affection come from? I'm not saying they weren't attracted to each other, because in a really convoluted way, they were. However, this sudden infatuation seemed to come on in a hurry, and I wasn't able to get behind their newfound feelings. She said she never hated him, but there was definitely contempt on her part, and a strong dose of dislike. I think they would have been better off as friends. There was too much between them–too much anger and hurt–for them to just simply forget and move on.

Speaking of friends, Rowan and Brandon were just as dismissive of Rev and Declan. They called them "losers" and even Rowan's mon thought of Rev as a "vampire." WHY? Why were they so callous and cruel? Juliet rarely stood up for or defended them (only once that I can remember), because she was often thinking the same thing. I hated that. I hated her. UGH, I hated almost everyone in this book. They all failed in one way or another. I did like Rev and Declan, but I think the two of them really need to talk about their issues before they're swallowed by them.

You might be thinking I hated this book, but that's not necessarily true. I hated the characters. However, that doesn't mean they didn't behave authentically, because people aren't always going to make the best decisions (for themselves or others), and grief impacts people in different ways. If Declan's stepfather and mother had been held accountable for their actions (maybe if Frank or Rev's parents had told someone), then I might have liked this one more. Unfortunately, the story is neatly wrapped by the end, and that's the part that felt unrealistic to me. There were no consequences for people's actions, when there definitely should have been. (★★★☆☆)