DNF&Y [38]

 

DNF&Y is used to explain why I gave up on certain books, and what about them just didn't work for me. What I disliked about a book might be something you love, so it helps to share your thoughts even when they're negative! If you would like additional information, please click on the DNF&Y tab at the top. If you want to join, you can link up at the bottom!

Been There, Married That by Gigi Levangie Grazer

Synopsis (via Goodreads): A hilarious new novel full of Hollywood glitz, glamour, and scandal.

When he changes the locks, she changes the rules.

Agnes Murphy Nash is the perfect Hollywood wife – she has the right friends, the right clothes, and even a side career of her own as a writer. Her husband Trevor is a bigshot producer, and from the outside it looks like they’re living a picture-perfect celebrity life, complete with tennis tournaments and lavish parties.

But the job description of a Hollywood wife doesn’t cover divorce, which is the way Agnes’ life is headed after she comes home one day to find her credit cards cancelled and the security passwords to get into her enormous LA home changed. Oh, and there’s a guy there whose job it is to tase her if she tries to enter…which she does. Needless to say, Agnes’ husband is dead set on making sure she loses big time, but Agnes isn’t the type to just lie down and take it. In a world of fremenies and hot nannies, personal psychics and “skinny” jello shots, Agnes may be losing her husband, but could that mean getting her own life back?

Been There, Married That is a drop-dead hilarious battle of wills that will make you laugh out loud, cringe, and keep turning the pages to see what crazy disaster will happen to Agnes next…and how she’ll rise from the ashes.

I received an ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. My thoughts and opinions are my own. Any quotes I use are from an unpublished copy and may not reflect the finished product.

Been There, Married That hurt my brain. It was like this book was written in an entirely different language - one that even Google was unable to translate for me. I didn't know what Agnes was saying most of the time, and her cultural references went over my head. I stopped reading this after eighteen pages, but would have stopped after ten if it'd been the end of a chapter (page breaks don't count). #BookReaderProblems #GottaFinishThisChapter

Examples: "Although, I thought, temporary blindness might be a relief. I find myself handicap-yearning lately. A fender bender that resulted in a broken-but-healable femur..." 

"All anyone cares about is who you're connected to and Waze." 

"I'm not sure why we named her Penelope. Neither of us is Brit-adjacent." 

"He'd left his beloved Red Sox cap at home, his team a bright brushstroke in an otherwise gray, broken childhood that exists only in East Coast towns and Ben Affleck movies. Dad was wearing the only suit he owned and a mock turtleneck he'd bought in the '70s, a splurge in menswear, level three at Sears in Hollywood."

"We were hemmed in against the bar like cattle by whippets in black suits huddled around Tinder or Grindr (or both), their hungry faces and neat, solemn beards illuminated by iPhones." 

"Great crowd!" she yelled. "We're soooo lucky because a lot of rapists couldn't come, you know."

I also felt like the author made a jab at the #MeToo movement when she called it "Hollywood's favorite hashtag." It was like she diminished its importance and insulted all of the people who've come forward because of the abuse they've suffered.

"I wondered how much of her hair was hers and how much was stolen off a sleeping teenage girl's head in Bangladesh."

"Aquaphor is the glue that held her face together."

I'm sure there were more, but those were the ones that stood out the most while I was reading (aka: trying to decipher whatever code Agnes was using). I know I didn't get very far into this book, but she wasn't likeable, and neither were any of the other characters she mentioned (fake, entitled, horrible people). Her jokes and commentary didn't land well, and every page was a chore to read through. Been There, Married That was a headache-inducing 15 minutes of my life that I really wish I could get back. (★☆☆☆☆)